Privatization and Sponsorship.

Dear editor;

     Sometimes, when the cost seems a little too much to bear, you might need is some sponsorship.  If the trend towards privatization is to be successful, it must be employed across the board.

     Sammy’s Police Services, Achmed’s Fire Protection (2004) Ltd; Bob and Doug’s Welfare Office. Hank’s Jail, Acme Hospitals Inc. RJR-Macdonald Cancer Clinics, Timmy’s Soup Kitchen. (Poor people could drive through in their 4X4’s.)  McDonald’s Elementary Schools. Coca-Cola emblazoned on the tail fins of CF-18’s.

     Bids for cabinet positions are now being tendered. And they’ll be wearing Nascar-type coveralls splattered with sponsor’s patches.

     “Join the Intel/Pentium Navy and see the world.”

     Oh, yeah, eh, I hear the Royal Bank/Kia Canada/NAPA Auto Parts/ Gov.Can.Com Legislative Session will be running this spring. Looks like we got us a game. How can you tell when a politician is lying?

     Their lips move.

     And what if smart bombs demand better contractual conditions? Chrome tail fins and a racing stripe, a retirement plan? It’s the least we can do for them, if they agree to carry our corporate logo.  Hey: a new career path might open up: ‘Unexploded Bomb Negotiator.’

     “Hey, little buddy…you know you want to do this…it’s your destiny…of course you’re scared…who wouldn’t be…”

     If all them little drone aircraft attempt to bargain collectively for bigger engines, higher octane fuel; let’s label them “terrorists” and shoot ‘em down ourselves. We created ‘em, you know.

     Don’t ask what you can do for your country. Just go to Disneyland, spend lotsa money. War is heck, eh?

     But if we can consume stuff faster than everyone else, we win.  And we had a lot of spare bombs laying around gathering dust. No good to anyone.  But I have other worries, too.

     What about that Canadian cabinet minister, boasted to the microphones, “We broke the secret Afghan code!” (This was some time ago. –ed.)

     It’s called, ‘Sanskrit,’ buddy. Here, this stone tablet holds an important clue. Take it firmly in both hands and whack! Yourself in the freaking head with it. Now  promise me you’ll never, ever, ever tell anyone you broke the secret code…if you can remember.

     It wouldn’t confuse most of us if the cop cars had ‘Labatt’s’ or ‘Jimmy Dean Smoked Sausage’ painted on the doors and hood. (Promise you won’t monkey with the restrictor plate. That’s cheatin’.) Guess if we wanted to save money real bad, we could always try a little harder. There are lots of ways to save money. Put a couple pounds more air pressure in the tires.

     Clean some of the useless junk out of the vehicle.  There’s never any air in the spare so why carry it around?

     When you search someone’s vehicle, keep all the winning tabs – you know,  like…winning tabs…?                           

     Someone said they didn’t want to fight over oil. I got an idea. Why don’t we fight over something sensible…like religion? 

     Like that Noah guy coming down the mountain: “I bring to you direct from God Himself these Fifteen (Kersmash!) Oops! I mean Ten Commandments…”

     It caused a big controversy.

Moses and the Ten Commandments. Mel Brooks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAtRCJIqnk

Computer translation of 'Ships with Butterfly Wings'

Une larme tombe pour le sable

Vagues et vent soupirent en deuil

Au-dessus de la mer dans un pays lointain

Jusqu'à l'horizon, puis une pause

Et puis il est parti

La chaleur du soleil n'a jamais cessé

Cris plaintif de goélands sans cause

Espoir, desesperee, ne s'arrête jamais de chanter

Clignotant dans l'éblouissement, elle attend

Le résultat doit avoir une cause

Lorsque les navires avec papillon ailes

Bat dans le vent sur une quête fine

Amants déchirés pendant un certain temps

Personne ne peut dire le pourquoi de ces choses

Les liaisons ont été libérés

Chacun est libre d'être leur propre

C'est une graine qui doit être semée

Et personne ne peut dire à son destin

Parfois, il n'y a aucun moyen de gagner

Mais seulement à endurer.

Lorsque les navires avec papillon ailes

Coups dans le vent

Transporter votre cœur à travers l'océan

C'est tout que vous pouvez faire, parfois

D'attendre et de présenter un grief et à prier.

Jamais expliquer vous-meme

Jamais expliquer vous-même.

Veuillez ne pas me dire tout ce dont j'ai besoin de savoir.

Laissez-moi deviner certaines choses.

Permettez-moi de rêve, juste un petit peu.

J'ai certaines lieu réel d'aller.

Et il y a certaines choses.

Certaines choses que je ne veux juste de savoir.

Je suis juste un peu confus.

J'ai suffisamment pour elle figure out sur mon propre.

Trop d'informations sont sans grande aide.

Two paths.

There are two paths.

One is easy.

And one is hard.

Which one, do you think,

Will be the more rewarding?

これには

つのパスがあります

つは簡単です

困難です

つと思いますか、詳細に報われるだろうか

Excerpt: De Natura Deorum

There is, then, an element which holds together and maintains the entire universe, an element, moreover, which is not without sensation and reason. For it is necessary that every element which is not isolated or simple, but which is joined and linked with something else, should have in itself some ruling principle, as, for instance, mind in the case of man, and in the case of animals something similar to mind, which prompts their desires. In trees, and in things which spring from the earth, the ruling principle is supposed to be placed in their roots. By ruling principle I mean the principle which the Greeks call ἡγεμονικόν, which cannot but hold, and which ought to hold, the highest place in each genus. Consequently the thing in which the ruling principle of the whole of nature is contained, must in the same way be the most perfect of all, and the most worthy of power and dominion over all existence. Now we see that in parts of the universe (for there is nothing in the entire universe which is not a part of the whole), sensation and reason exist. These qualities must therefore exist, and exist more vividly and to a greater extent, in that part in which the ruling principle of the universe resides. Consequently the universe must be intelligent, and the element which holds all things in its embrace must excel in perfection of reason; the universe, therefore, must be divine, and so must the element by which the whole strength of theuniverse is held together. This fiery glow which the universe possesses is also far purer, clearer, and nimbler, and on that account better fitted to arouse sensation, than this heat of ours, by which the objects known to us are preserved and made strong. Since, then, men and animals are maintained by this heat, and through it possess motion and sensation, it is absurd to say that the universe is without sensation, when it is maintained by a burning heat which is unmixed, and free, and pure, and at the same time in the highest degree vivid and nimble, especially considering that the heat which belongs to the universe is moved by itself and its own action, and is not stirred by anything distinct from itself, or by impact from outside. For what can be mightier than the universe, so as to act upon and set in motion the heat by which the universe is to be held together?

-Cicero, 'De Natura Deorum.'

Looking for English to Latin translation.

“The philosophers of Greece deduced their morals from the nature of man rather from that of God. They meditated, however, on the Divine Nature as, ah, very curious, and important speculations, and in the profound inquiry they displayed the strength and weakness of human understanding,”

'de philosphi de Graecia…repeto suum mores ex vis de vir quinymo ex ut de Deus. Theoricus, vero, et Divinus Vis ut a valde curiosus, quod maximus theoricus, quod et profundus percunctor et propono vires quod infirmitas de humanus cogitum. Vero, eram ut recipero ut divinus verum situs fabula poeta, quod institutio de priscus, vel ut adore, ut filiolus, illud trunco res quos contemptus ut homo.’

“How indeed, was it possible that a philosopher should accept as divine truths the idle tales of the poets, and the incoherent traditions of antiquity, or that he should adore, as gods, those imperfect beings whom he must have despised as men?”

I'm looking for a good online translation service, (free,) for a current project. If you have any suggestions, please post it in the comments below.

@hyperlouis (Twitter.)