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| Sorry, it's my day off. I was punting on the Thames. |
Here in Canada, during the Covid-19 pandemic, in a recent survey, a significant number of Canadians have reported an increased incidence or tendency towards demonic possession, just one more aspect of the pollsters just trying to figure out where all the money is going and to try to head some of it off at the pass, that is to say before it gets to the sort of people who might most benefit from it, rather than certain social service agencies--
Anyways, here is a simple little spell, in some ancient and obscure language. Which scares the hell out of the illiterate, let me tell you, Bob.
This should be read in a firm, authoritative voice, with as much conviction as the practitioner can #mustard.
< clears throat >
Hello, Satan.
Adiuro te, serpentem antiquum, arbitrum vivorum et mortuorum, per creatorem tuum, per creatorem totius mundi, per ipsum, qui te potest consignare in infernum cum tua feritate migrare.
Ante tremefactum ingens illud brachium, quod tenebroso carcere muros disrupit, animas in lucem eduxit. Ad te descendat tremens, qui hanc humanam compagem affligit, timor qui hanc Dei imaginem affligit. Noli resistere, nec differre ab hoc recedendo, placuit enim Christo in homine inhabitare. Noli cogitare de contemnenda mandato meo, quia scis me esse magnum peccatorem. Imperat tibi Deus Pater; Imperat tibi Deus Filius; Imperat tibi Deus Spiritus Sanctus. Imperat tibi fides sanctorum apostolorum Petri et Pauli et omnium sanctorum. Imperat tibi martyrum sanguis. Imperat tibi continentia confessorum. Imperant tibi devotae orationes omnium sanctorum ac sanctarum.
Discedite, seductor, plenus mendacii et astutiae, hostis virtutis, innocentium persecutor. Cede, nefanda creatura, cede, monstre, da Christo, in quo non invenisti opera tua. Nam te iam tua potestate spoliavit, regnumque vastavit, vinctum te cepit, arma diripuit. Te proiecit in tenebras exteriores, ubi te et adiutores tuos manet aeterna ruina. Ut quid insolenter resistis? Reus enim es apud Deum omnipotentem, cuius leges deliquisti.
Adiuro ergo te, draco perdite, in nomine Agni immaculati, qui calcavit aspidem et basiliscum, et vicerit leonem et draconem, ut recedas ab hoc homine, ut recedas ab ecclesia Dei. Contremisce et fuge, invocato nomine Domini, cui tremunt inferni daemones, cui subduntur virtutes et potestates et dominationes supernae, quem Cherubim et Seraphim incessabili voce laudant canentes: Sanctus, sanctus, sanctus. sanctus dominus Deus Sabaoth. Imperat tibi Verbum caro factum; Imperat tibi Filius Virginis; Imperat tibi Jesus Nazarenus, qui quondam, discipulos suos despiciens, ab homine turpiter te fugavit; et cum eiecisset, non audebatis nisi per licentiam eius intrare in gregem porcorum. Et nunc adiuro te in nomine eius, abscede ab hoc homine, qui est creatura eius. Vanum est voluntati eius resistere. Durum est tibi contra stimulum calcitrare. Quo diutius cessas, gravior poena tua eris; non enim homines damnatis, sed eum qui regat vivos et mortuos, qui venturus est iudicare vivos et mortuos et seculum per ignem.
Domine, exaudi orationem meam.
Et clamor meus a te audiatur.
***
Okay, so in English it goes something like this:
Exorcism
I adjure you, ancient serpent, by the judge of the living and the dead, by your
Creator, by the Creator of the whole universe, by Him who has the power to
consign you to hell to depart along with your savage minions. I adjure you
again, not by my weakness but by the might of the Holy Spirit, to depart from
this servant of God, whom almighty God has made in His image. Tremble before
that mighty arm that broke asunder the dark prison walls and led souls forth to
light. May the trembling that afflicts this human frame, the fear that afflicts
this image of God, descend on you. Make no resistance nor delay in departing
from this man, for it has pleased Christ to dwell in man. Do not think of
despising my command because you know me to be a great sinner. It is God
Himself who commands you; the majestic Christ who commands you. God the Father
commands you; God the Son commands you; God the Holy Spirit commands you. The
mystery of the cross commands you. The faith of the holy apostles Peter and
Paul and of all the saints command you. The blood of the martyrs commands you.
The continence of the confessors commands you. The devout prayers of all holy
men and women command you. The saving mysteries of our Christian faith command
you.
Depart, then, transgressor. Depart, seducer, full of lies and cunning, foe of
virtue, persecutor of the innocent. Give place, abominable creature, give way,
you monster, give way to Christ, in whom you found none of your works. For He
has already stripped you of your powers and laid waste your kingdom, bound you
prisoner and plundered your weapons. He has cast you forth into the outer
darkness, where everlasting ruin awaits you and your abettors. To what purpose
do you insolently resist? For you are guilty before almighty God, whose laws
you have transgressed. You are guilty before His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ,
whom you presumed to tempt, whom you dared to nail to the cross. You are guilty
before the whole human race, to whom you prof erred by your enticements the
poisoned cup of death.
Therefore, I adjure you, profligate dragon, in the name of the spotless Lamb,
who has trodden down the asp and the basilisk, and overcome the lion and the
dragon, to depart from this person to depart from the Church of God. Tremble
and flee, as we call on the name of the Lord, before whom the denizens of hell
cower, to whom the heavenly Virtues and Powers and Dominations are subject,
whom the Cherubim and Seraphim praise with unending cries as they sing: Holy,
holy, holy, Lord God of Sabaoth. The Word made flesh commands you; the Virgin's
Son commands you; Jesus of Nazareth
commands you, who once, when you despised His disciples, forced you to flee in
shameful defeat from a man; and when He had cast you out you did not even dare,
except by His leave, to enter into a herd of swine. And now as I adjure you in
His name, begone from this person, who is His creature. It is futile to resist
His will. It is hard for you to kick against the goad. The longer you delay,
the heavier your punishment shall be; for it is not men you are condemning, but
rather Him who rules the living and the dead, who is coming to judge both the
living and the dead and the world by fire.
Amen.
Lord, heed my prayer.
- Monsignor Guido.
END
One of our acolytes has plenty of free books and stories on Google Play.
Thank you for reading, boys and girls.
That sure was scary, eh.
