Landlordie McLandlordface and How to Deal With Them. Louis Shalako.

1064 Brenchley, vacant since June 2023.

Louis Shalako

Landlordie McLandlordface and How to Deal With Them.

I was talking to a friend about the building across the street, vacant since June '23. She told me once a building had been vacant for 12 months, rent control no longer applies and the landlord can charge what they want. I would like to know the source of this information, or is it a misreading, a rumour, or merely a supposition.

"These provisions only apply during the period that begins on the date the landlord gave the tenant the notice and ends one year after the former tenant moves out of the unit."

This is right down near the bottom of the page, written in the usual legalese. Also, with no visible activity from contractors on site, it seems more likely the landlord is in financial troubles, what with high interest rates and a labour shortage. 

(See link below. - ed.)

It can only go on for so long before some Canadian journalist notices. At some point, any rational landlord unable to complete such a project would put up a 'for sale' sign.

My reading of the text indicates that there are only so many eligible relatives available to the landlord in the N-12 eviction. A second cousin, thrice-removed, does not qualify. And MillDon, recently spun off from Steeves & Rozema, has 1,050 units in buildings across southern Ontario.

I probably have more cousins than you do.

The situation is this. We have 150 people, men, women and children, living in a tent encampment at Rainbow Park. We have a 34-unit walkup at 1064 Brenchley Ave, sitting empty since June 1/23. And if every single person renovicted on that date had simply filed an N-5 notice of intent, the law clearly states that they have the right to re-occupy their unit, at the old rate, (presumably subject to regular rental increases based on the rate of inflation and Province of Ontario rulings), and yet we have some sense that other factors, financing, may also be in play. Yet the law is clear enough. Who in the hell is there to enforce that law, remains unclear.

It sure as hell ain't going to be Sarnia Police Chief Derek Davis and Sarnia Police Services. They're overstretched, underpaid, short-staffed, and wondering how in the hell they're going to get another 17 % budget increase this year, what with the city paying $122,000.00 per month for porta-Johnnies down at Rainbow Park, which, when you think about, might have gone a long way in making mortgage payments on some kind of a building somewhere...

#Louis

Get yourself a good, old-fashioned lawyer.

***

If every single tenant evicted had filed an N-5 form, the landlord is essentially fucked.

Game over. Think about it. They renovict 34 households, making millions in ‘investment’, so that they can ‘safely’ make necessary repairs and upgrades to the building, and then, every single tenant comes home to reoccupy their old unit, at more or less the same old price.

This is the sort of information Doug Ford and his droogs do not want you to have.

Sarnia City Councilor Dill Bennis would have us believe that the folks at the encampment are all born criminals, drug addicts, pedophiles, robbers, transvestites, sex workers, mother-stabbers and father-rapers, arsonists and highwaymen, and Apaches, and just plain shirkers, lazy cunts and no-good layabouts, ladies and gentlemen.

He used to be a realtor, but by his own account, gave up a $500,000.00 per year job in order to become a city councilor for what, less than forty grand a year. I'm not too interested in the so-called gentleman's opinion.

To hear his words on the radio, Cool 106.3, “I don’t care about these people,” was not exactly a revelation. Just for the record, on-air content must be logged on a 24/7/365 basis and submitted to the CRTC, the Canadian Radio and Television Commission. His words are on the permanent historical record of this nation.

I reckon poor old Bill has quite a list of people he doesn't care about. Perhaps he will tell us what, or who, or whom, he actually does care about, hopefully at some point in the future, perhaps before the election, which he plans to win, assuming not too many folks actually turn up to vote...in the meantime, it's a bit of a secret, but open to speculation.

And in the unlikely case that your second cousin, thrice removed, needed an apartment, in the N-12 eviction scenario, while they recovered from a heroin addiction, learned to play the drums, got back on their feet and went back to school to learn aromatherapy for assholes and ear-candling, and neuro-linguistic programming, why in the hell would they ever want to pay $2,149.00 per month for a shit apartment in a three-floor walkup in the central city. It's not like they have any money either.

As for myself, I am not a lawyer, but I can afford one in a pinch, otherwise, talk to the lawyers and paralegals over at Community Legal Assistance Sarnia.

Some of them seem fairly bright.

#Louis

END

Relevant Page from the Landlord Tenant Tribunal. 

No Place to Go: Eviction Story, 1064 Brenchley. (Sarnia Journal)

I, Dill Bennis, Armed With Strong Mayor Powers. 

Dill Bennis Claims Homeless Being Bussed in to Rainbow Park. (Presumably, to cause problems for Dill Bennis.)

Louis Shalako has books and stories available from Amazon.

He also seems fairly bright...

Thank you for reading.

 

 

The Great Genital Debate. Louis Shalako.

Louis Shalako

The Great Genital Debate.

It’s the next big thing, a mass-debate if I ever heard one.

It’s like a million dumb-asses all cried out at once.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I have sensed a great disturbance in the #farce.

Disclaimer: I have nothing but respect, and compassion, and sympathy, maybe even a little bit of pity for my fellow human beings. This includes most of the women and quite a few of the so-called men.

Some, perhaps a bit more than others—

Idiots, for example.

Breaking News: Sarnia City Councilor Dill Bennis proposes bylaw. Voters in municipal election to be subject to arbitrary challenge and genital exam at polling booths. The Freedom in Municipal Voting Bylaw.

#sarcasm

If you asked them, by the way, what is your religion, they would bristle with indignation as they checked your cock, your cunt, your bodily orifices, looking for thousandths of an inch out of tolerances, for your asshole for example, and tell you that it is none of your business because they are running for election, although that will be the last election you ever get to vote in—for your own good of course. Yes, they’ll be checking your asshole looking for signs of ‘gayness’ or something that should be, on the face of it, indefinable by any scientific standard of measurement, for example, the metric system.

I’m not saying that Sarnia City Councilor Dill Bennis is weird or anything, but he lies awake at night dreaming about your kids, naked, in the dark, with a stranger in a Brampton hotel room, honking on old-white-man bobo and taking it up the wazoo. I don’t know what websites he’s on, but I wouldn’t recommend them.

And there is nothing kinkier than a conservative inquiring into the sex life of another person.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the folks who deny evolution, and don’t believe in science of any kind, are now talking quite knowledgeably about ‘X’ and ‘Y’ chromosomes; it’s almost like they read a book or something about it. He’s over on Truth Social and the Volkischer Beobachter, amplifying the hate towards anything good, decent and righteous because he simply doesn’t know the difference…

It is also my opinion that 51 % of front-line, combat troops really should be women.

However, if you wanted to design a cute little tennis-type battledress, in khaki or camouflage, that would be all right with me, although I admit it does sound a bit weird. It was your idea, after all. No one likes a bit of butt-cheek hanging out more than I do. Side-boob is okay too, although Dill Bennis might be incensed. 

And he doesn’t even have boobs—as far as anyone knows.

Musk: one of the world's richest assholes.

I would like to explain the facts of this case to you, unfortunately, there aren’t any.

Speaking of weird.

This is what all the instant experts in gender studies are talking about. I can’t make heads or tails of it, myself.

Men and women have certain advantages in regards to certain sports. Some of them are better at it than others, for example. And a punch in the nose (or mouth), is going to hurt, no matter who does it, so consider yourself informed.

Confused yet? Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn Jenner

I am surprised at you people. You really ought to be petitioning to pull all of those Olympic medals from Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner, who as we all know competed in the body of a man, even though, as it turns out, they were really a woman—and a Kardashian, to boot.

***

Is this the way to the polling booth...???

***

What if Mr. Bennis’ cock and cunt and tit inspectors run across a hermaphrodite? If that doesn’t call for a full-blown Senate inquiry, I don’t know what will…it would be fun to watch that ignorant little prick’s head explode.

Honestly, more women should masquerade as men. They’d get a better wage, and have a much better chance of cracking the glass ceiling in the corporate world. I’ve known a few women who had a better mustache than I did. I’ve kissed a girl and was surprised to find a bit of stubble. Yet I know it was a woman—I checked. I checked.

Everything looked fine as far as I was concerned…

It’s just that she was Dutch or something.

One of the old man’s best friends had a deeper voice than me, which is unusual. She had a story, where she woke up in the middle of the night this one time, and her husband was whacking off. He had a very illicit (at the time), book of gay porn on the night-table. She recalls thinking, “…hey, what the hell—I’m right here, Mister—” They had three kids together, which really should tell us something but it probably doesn’t.

Honestly, I think he might have been bisexual.

Neither of the two Olympic boxers have ever identified as a man, the scandal is more about doping, (or maybe not), due to elevated testosterone levels. This is one of those cases where gender-hysteria has reared its ugly head, and of course there is the usual ignorance of any sort of facts. Which might stand in the way of truth, their truth, which is of course a pack of lies...

The other day, I was in Walmart and the men’s washroom was closed. I seriously considered trying out the ladies, but I just didn’t have the nuts.

(A little touch of gender dysphoria? – ed.)

(No. It’s just that I had to shit real bad. Irritable asshole syndrome…there were certain risks, which I chose not to accept.)

And public opinion can be murder. All them torches, pitchforks and lengths of stout rope, don't you know.

Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, Elon Musk has an opinion on this as well, as might be expected, what with being one of the richest assholes in the world—

We’ll let the man speak for himself, on Twitter, a cesspool of something which might be better left unsaid. At least until someone invents a word for it.

(Okay. What are you going to do if Mr. Dill Bennis sues for libel, slander, or defamation of character? – ed.)

(I will let him put that in writing, submit that to a court, and prove that he unmistakeably resembles this fictional character, written by another fictional character, and remind the court of the rules of parody, and that furthermore, if his reputation has been irreparably damaged beyond any estimate, then let him put some kind of monetary value upon that damage and that reputation, which he is relying upon in order to become Mayor, and then let the court decide on the merits of the case.)

(And if you should lose…??? – ed.)

(Then I guess I would owe him a nickel.)

Well, it’s time for the women’s swim event, where they all seem to have some very small, natural, high-mounted breasts. Quite frankly, the men have bigger tits than the girls, what that means, I have no idea. 

Breasts…if it wasn’t for breasts, Renoir never would have become an artist, which I interpret as having something to do with modeling, or volumes, or something. Or maybe it had something to do with sucking on the teat of his mother. 

Quite frankly, I think I’m on the right side of history here…

Cute but deadly.

***

If you think about it, if they were transsexuals, they’re more likely to go big, exaggerate that which doesn’t really exist, and quite frankly, I’d like to think I could tell the difference—be that as it may. It might also burst under a good punch from another man.

In an interesting side note, the author once turned down a publishing contract. The email called him ‘Louise’, when his name is actually Louis. It was a little thing, but indicative of a general carelessness, confirmed by several typos on the company website…and that, as they say, is that.

Until next time, try and keep your head screwed on straight. Try to ignore the haters, as it’s an election year, and they are grasping at straws, just as any drowning pervert would.

 

END

 

The Kinks. Lola.

Man, I Feel Like a Woman. Shania Twain.

I, Dill Bennis, Armed With Strong Mayor Powers. (Louis Shalako)

Louis has books and stories available from Amazon in ebook, paperback and audio.

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All You Have to Do is to Listen. Louis Shalako.

Returned a suit, told a funny little story...#psychology

Louis Shalako

I returned my brother's suit, which I had borrowed.

And I know he’s been kind of suffering lately.

All you have to do is to listen—

I set up a lead-in, asking if the one boy has been laid off...yes. The other one still doesn't have a job, apparently staying up all night on the computer. I told my brother that he was suffering from depression. 

"All the signs are there," I told him. 

I went on to tell him the story. Big Frank was in the union. He knew what a layoff is. Yet when I was laid off from Fibreglas Canada, he was fucking fit to be tied. To him, it was a cop-out of some sort on my part--Frank wasn't a bad father, merely typical. He didn't have a real high opinion of his oldest son, who was, quite frankly, eighteen years old. He'd also co-signed a loan so I could buy an MGB for $1,500.00. That must have been a factor as well. So, after a couple of weeks or so, I started at Holmes Insulation. And it was terrible. It was a thousand times worse than Fibreglas, with the soft, sticky white wool floating in the air. Supposedly a twelve-hour shift, I walked out after four hours, or about the time when, (literally), for break-time, guys walked twenty feet to a picnic table right beside the effing production line. To eat a simple ham sandwich was to crunch on rock wool, ladies and gentlemen.

I cleaned myself up and went downtown to the federal building and talked to a recruiter for the Canadian Armed Forces. I told the man all about Big Frank. I told him the army would teach me some discipline--I told him it would 'make a man out of me', feeding him all the same bullshit that well-meaning folks dish out all the time. I told him I would get my teeth fixed in the army...I told the man they'd buy my clothes, my boots and feed me, give me a bed. Get my Grade 12, all of that sort of thing. The man suggested I come back in a week. If I still felt the same way, they'd sign me up. I got home about two-thirty p.m., within a few minutes, the phone rings. Fibreglas wants me back, for seven a.m. the next day. 

Big Frank usually arrived home a little after three. I played him real good--I told him I had to quit at Holmes, of course his face starts to redden and the mouth starts to open...I told him I had gone down to the recruiter, and they wouldn't have me...some kind of maturity problem, I told Frank frankly...poor old Frank was working himself into a fine lather by this point, and then I told him I was going back to work the next morning. And it was just a routine layoff, Big Frank: get over it, it happens, as he should damned well have known. But my old man was never so scared as when contract time rolled around, there was talk of a strike and he had all those useless mouths and a mortgage to feed. It's not that we didn't understand--it's not like he hadn't lectured us enough on the subject.

When my brother was 17, he and Big Frank were at such loggerheads, he threw a few things into the ’67 VW Beetle and took off for Windsor to live with our mother for a while. Even then, I had patience—I could sort of sit there and take it, (what with having an actual job, not to mention that fucking MGB), but The Duke was cast in a slightly different mold. It’s not like I didn’t leave home a few times—and come back, too. Quite frankly, I didn’t really grow up until some time in my late thirties, possibly early forties. I told him that too—my brother, I mean.

This is about when you look around you and realize that some of your friends aren’t even trying, while you, try as you might, seem to fail miserably about as often as you succeed at anything of any great import. There are clearly some lessons to be learned here. And some of those old friends still haven't really tried, anything at all.

The problem, is that you have three stubborn males, money is tight, and Dad is on a small disability pension. They’re also in affordable, geared-to-income housing, and subject to some rules…no matter where you are, or what you are paying, there’s going to be some rules, but one would think the three of them could figure a way to keep a roof over their heads and quite frankly, no one person has to do all the work and provide all the money for their sustenance. And neither nephew seems to be trying all that hard, but they’re young and they have their whole lives ahead of them.

They will get tired of having the old man all over their back. It's just a question of time.

As for myself, I may be practising psychiatry without a license, but it’s family after all.

Let’s hope we can plant a few seeds here and there.

 

#Louis

END

Louis Shalako has books and stories available from Amazon.

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Not In My Back Yard: the Cure for NIMBYism. Louis Shalako.

Affordable housing in Vienna.

 

Louis Shalako

One of the greatest challenges to building affordable, geared-to-income housing is NIMBYism.

People are all for it, of course, they agree on the need for it. With one proviso—‘not in my backyard’. They fear it will affect the character of a neighbourhood. Even though that neighbourhood might not have much character to begin with. They fear it will bring down the value of their own property, and as it turns out, family values turn out to be mostly about property values. If you tried to put such a thing in the south end of this town, right beside the railroad tracks, people on fucking Campbell Street would object to it for all the usual reasons. Most of which have more to do with ignorance and prejudice than any great regard for the facts. As far as the south Christina St. neighbourhood, it would actually tend to raise the tone of the neighbourhood, and they would still object to it. In their mind, it’s better for the county to pay $60,000.00 per year to house an unhoused person in a motel out on London Line. Where there are no services for all the #mental_health_addictions you folks keep on ranting and raving about.

Someone, after all, is getting something for free, even though the same people will tell you there is no such thing as a free lunch.

I have the solution, which of course no politician would ever care to acknowledge, let alone adopt as a serious policy proposal. That’s because they need folks like you to vote for them, and you are afraid of everything that looks like a solution.

I have the cure, ladies and gentlemen.

When a property developer applies for approval for some big new housing development, say a hundred and fifty-four detached homes on London Line here in the Sarnia area for example, ten percent of the land should be designated for affordable, geared-to-income housing. You could put that at the back to block out highway noises, or you can put it along the front to block out highway noises. But. You’re not going to get approval unless the developer agrees to this proviso.

It gets better—and I know some of you are already raising objections, even though what was once farm fields or a golf course and is just off a busy commercial and light industrial roadway, somehow, magically, has character, even though you haven’t actually built it yet.

Proviso number two is oh, so simple, and oh, so effective. Proviso number two is that the affordable, geared-to-income housing must be built first. You are, after all, asking the municipality, and the taxpayers, to pay up front, in order to provide services, including roads, water, sewers, electricity and gas lines in order to heat and light those new homes…homes which haven’t been built yet, and the taxpayers are supposed to accept that this will bring further economic development. Which somehow trickles down, even though it really doesn’t, and somehow, somewhere, somewhere else, somebody else will finally get around to building affordable, geared-to-income housing. Which the provincial government has no interest in doing. County council talks big, but when the chips come down, they will just dedicate another five-year study, even though the last one brought exactly zero conclusions, made no recommendations, and wasn’t even reported in the local media because everyone in local media knew it was bullshit from the get-go, and some of them, at least, may still have a conscience. Even though I rather doubt that, what with living in Twin Lakes and in Bright’s Grove and in the north end of this town. These are the folks that love stories about going down to the riverbank and burning a candle, in order to raise awareness of the need to reduce stigma...

#fuck_off

An unhoused person.

Just think of it: you’ve built your three-floor walk-up, with thirty to fifty units, on a piece of land that might have taken five or six buildings which they call bungalows but are basically monstrosities, with two or three residents, several dogs, a garage full of Harleys, a driveway full of pickup trucks and boats and house trailers. That is what they call character, even though there isn’t a tree or a sidewalk for miles. (Don’t forget, the bougies hate sidewalks even though municipal services need a strip of land beside every street in order to provide such services.)

And when that’s up, and when you’ve built your first detached home, your first townhouse, your first condo development, you get to do what all the big builders do.

They like to put up a big sign out by the road. It says, ‘Starting at $479,000.00’ or whatever the price is.

Here’s where it gets good. When the realtor shows that to a prospect, in order to make full disclosure, they have to tell potential buyers that there is, in fact, an affordable, geared-to-income building not too far away—they might even be able to see it from hundreds of metres away, what with no trees and the fact that it takes a while to fill in such a subdivision.

And if they object, and if they say, “But—but—doesn’t that bring down the price of my property, which I haven’t even bought yet..???

And the answer, of course, is yes, because it actually does bring down the value of the homes. I have always wanted to ask such a person just how much such an affordable, geared-to-income building nearby would actually bring down the value of an existing home—I doubt if they can even do it. I doubt if a Canadian realtor, still more focused on blowing more hot air into what is clearly a bubble, could even do it. A certain kind of person lives in a world where facts don’t matter, for example Sarnia City Councilor Bill Dennis, who quotes Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher and who spends an inordinate amount of time suck-holing around Donald Trump and Ben Shapiro, and yes, a bunch of other creeps on Twitter…well, it’s a free country, or so they say.

***

But, if you feel that strongly about it, you can walk away. You can go down the road to another municipality, one perhaps not quite so committed to equity and social development. One without much character, one without much foresight. One without some kind of a conscience…

The exact same house might cost fifty thousand dollars more—a good chunk of money, almost enough for his and hers matching Harleys, although it don’t buy much of a speedboat these days. So, ladies and gentlemen, you’re saving fifty grand right off the top. Your mortgage payments will be consequently lower. Due to slightly higher density, there is in fact a greater chance that the municipality will be encouraged to plant those trees, create those community amenities, those parks, and yes, those sidewalks. Hell, they might even put in a nice new school or something.

Interestingly, the affordable, geared-to-income housing would be professionally managed, and would provide rents (subsidized based on need), for the life of the building. Detached homes are sold, not rented. Once you’ve made your money, that’s it—it’s time to move on and grab some more farmland, buy up some old golf course that wasn’t making money anyways, and do it all over again.

As for the building I live in, the one where I pay rent-controlled but otherwise market rates, the building has been re-mortgaged ten or twelve times in the seventy-five years it has been around. It does provide a stable, predictable to some degree, monthly and yearly income to its owners. 

In that sense, it is more of an asset than a liability.

END

Image (Vienna). By Thomas Ledl - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=49305377

Louis Shalako has books, stories and audiobooks available from Google Play.

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Systemic Change Comes Through Political Action. Louis Shalako.

The loneliness must be intense...

Louis Shalako

I saw this guy at the gas bar. Black Chrysler van, loaded with bags, boxes and crates. The exhaust system is shot. The van is dented, dinged and rusting through. A metal shield on the exhaust system is hanging down, scraping the road on every bump. I've seen him before, grabbing ten or twelve black bins at the Beer Store, which he takes out into the parking lot and fills up from other bins and bags, of empties he's collected over his travels.

He may stop in at the food bank, or the soup kitchen, but that driver's seat is where he lives. That is his bed, ladies and gentlemen, that is where he sleeps. With a 27-year waiting list, (only a slight exaggeration – ed.), for geared-to-income housing, and this guy's an older man, one wonders where he parks at night—I have been reliably informed that the Tim Horton's on south Indian Road is locking its doors at night. No walk-ins, only drive-through after ten or eleven at night. This is due to homeless people, getting in from the cold, it's also due to drug overdoses in the bathroom. How long can he keep that thing on the road, and after that, then what?

One wonders where he goes to take a shit, or to take a shower once in a while. And I rather doubt this one has been counted among the local statistics. One wonders how he deals with the hopelessness, the sheer loneliness of his position.

#statistics

Shortly after the 2018 municipal election, county council called for a five-year study of housing affordability. I wonder what sort of nonsense report the Bill Dennis types (an extremely conservative person in his own words) think they can get away with, or are we just supposed to forget.

#fuck_off

The report will focus in on 'leveraging paradigms' and stupid shit like that. Only fools talk like that, and this is a serious problem. 

They are, in the words of Karl Marx, ‘useful fools’, and they do know what is expected of them…they even get paid to do it.

According to news sources, something like 1,300 volunteers had been through the Inn of the Good Shepherd in a recent year, and they were serving 1,700 or more families and individuals per month, in a whole plethora of services. At some point I had to realize, that any asshole can go down there and make soup for the people. I know that sounds cruel. But it really doesn’t take a Rhodes Scholar to make soup, nor a doctor, a lawyer, or any skilled person. It is mostly church groups, service clubs and some of the union locals. The food bank serves some need in them as well, or they wouldn’t do it, would they. Some people make cash donations. Surely there is a surplus of cash out there, somewhere…perhaps it’s a problem of distribution. Maybe it's just a 'supply-chain disruption'.

But the only way to tackle systemic issues is by political means. It is a challenge of communication, not one of handing out food baskets, which are never enough and it doesn't solve the root problem anyways.

Making 'political statements' is something the food bank operators are loathe to do, as is the local news media, for related but different reasons. Non-profits are barred from political activity, although that has never stopped the conservative think-tanks. I recall one conservative government went after some left-wing think-tanks, claiming they were violating their mandate, which some might argue includes a bit of criticism of the social order—and the government stands at the top of that heap, don't they. The food banks don't want to scare off donors, some of whom are very conservative, and the media don't want to lose advertising dollars or have to deal with an inundation of angry letters to the editor. Oddly enough, the government does a fair bit of advertising in local media…

#analysis #Louis

This is why the never-ending food drive is a 'good-news' story about a 'sharing and caring community'. All propaganda, in order to be truly effective, must be based on some truths...and once it is swallowed, and accepted, it becomes 'truth', which is also a bit of a problem around here.

There is no surplus of truth, not in this town, ladies and gentlemen.

After more than forty years of, quite frankly, thoughtless media indoctrination, no one really questions it anymore. 

That, is the challenge of communication.

They have grown up with such stories for their entire lives. It takes great courage to question such an ‘unquestionable’ narrative, and that’s why no one ever does it.

If the local food bank can get 55,000 lbs. of food a month to distribute, the problem is not food. There is clearly surplus food. The problem is one of income. People don't have enough money to buy their own food. Many of those people are working.

Where does the Chamber of Commerce stand on this issue?

Take a wild guess…

More food drives, more charity, more mental-health outreach programs, more free Nalaxone kits handed out in clumps of bushes down on the riverbank...please, please, please, don't do anything that would actually solve this problem, for example raising the minimum wage...or business taxes, or property taxes, or meddling with any other funding stream.

The current welfare and disability regime in this province and this country are ludicrously underfunded. Always have been, always will be.

Nothing is ever going to change until we change.

And change, my friend, is hard.

 

END

Image: Morguefile.

Note. The passages highlighted in blue are from Facebook comments. The main text was pieced together in Fb posts. I tried saving as a .txt document, which will often strip out unwanted formatting, but it clearly did not work. - Louis

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Possessed by Demons??? Perhaps I can help. #Monsignor_Guido

Sorry, it's my day off. I was punting on the Thames.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here in Canada, during the Covid-19 pandemic, in a recent survey, a significant number of Canadians have reported an increased incidence or tendency towards demonic possession, just one more aspect of the pollsters just trying to figure out where all the money is going and to try to head some of it off at the pass, that is to say before it gets to the sort of people who might most benefit from it, rather than certain social service agencies--

Anyways, here is a simple little spell, in some ancient and obscure language. Which scares the hell out of the illiterate, let me tell you, Bob.

This should be read in a firm, authoritative voice, with as much conviction as the practitioner can #mustard.

<  clears throat >

Hello, Satan.

Adiuro te, serpentem antiquum, arbitrum vivorum et mortuorum, per creatorem tuum, per creatorem totius mundi, per ipsum, qui te potest consignare in infernum cum tua feritate migrare.

Ante tremefactum ingens illud brachium, quod tenebroso carcere muros disrupit, animas in lucem eduxit. Ad te descendat tremens, qui hanc humanam compagem affligit, timor qui hanc Dei imaginem affligit. Noli resistere, nec differre ab hoc recedendo, placuit enim Christo in homine inhabitare. Noli cogitare de contemnenda mandato meo, quia scis me esse magnum peccatorem. Imperat tibi Deus Pater; Imperat tibi Deus Filius; Imperat tibi Deus Spiritus Sanctus. Imperat tibi fides sanctorum apostolorum Petri et Pauli et omnium sanctorum. Imperat tibi martyrum sanguis. Imperat tibi continentia confessorum. Imperant tibi devotae orationes omnium sanctorum ac sanctarum.

Discedite, seductor, plenus mendacii et astutiae, hostis virtutis, innocentium persecutor. Cede, nefanda creatura, cede, monstre, da Christo, in quo non invenisti opera tua. Nam te iam tua potestate spoliavit, regnumque vastavit, vinctum te cepit, arma diripuit. Te proiecit in tenebras exteriores, ubi te et adiutores tuos manet aeterna ruina. Ut quid insolenter resistis? Reus enim es apud Deum omnipotentem, cuius leges deliquisti.

Adiuro ergo te, draco perdite, in nomine Agni immaculati, qui calcavit aspidem et basiliscum, et vicerit leonem et draconem, ut recedas ab hoc homine, ut recedas ab ecclesia Dei. Contremisce et fuge, invocato nomine Domini, cui tremunt inferni daemones, cui subduntur virtutes et potestates et dominationes supernae, quem Cherubim et Seraphim incessabili voce laudant canentes: Sanctus, sanctus, sanctus. sanctus dominus Deus Sabaoth. Imperat tibi Verbum caro factum; Imperat tibi Filius Virginis; Imperat tibi Jesus Nazarenus, qui quondam, discipulos suos despiciens, ab homine turpiter te fugavit; et cum eiecisset, non audebatis nisi per licentiam eius intrare in gregem porcorum. Et nunc adiuro te in nomine eius, abscede ab hoc homine, qui est creatura eius. Vanum est voluntati eius resistere. Durum est tibi contra stimulum calcitrare. Quo diutius cessas, gravior poena tua eris; non enim homines damnatis, sed eum qui regat vivos et mortuos, qui venturus est iudicare vivos et mortuos et seculum per ignem.

Domine, exaudi orationem meam.

Et clamor meus a te audiatur.

***

Okay, so in English it goes something like this:

Exorcism

I adjure you, ancient serpent, by the judge of the living and the dead, by your Creator, by the Creator of the whole universe, by Him who has the power to consign you to hell to depart along with your savage minions. I adjure you again, not by my weakness but by the might of the Holy Spirit, to depart from this servant of God, whom almighty God has made in His image. Tremble before that mighty arm that broke asunder the dark prison walls and led souls forth to light. May the trembling that afflicts this human frame, the fear that afflicts this image of God, descend on you. Make no resistance nor delay in departing from this man, for it has pleased Christ to dwell in man. Do not think of despising my command because you know me to be a great sinner. It is God Himself who commands you; the majestic Christ who commands you. God the Father commands you; God the Son commands you; God the Holy Spirit commands you. The mystery of the cross commands you. The faith of the holy apostles Peter and Paul and of all the saints command you. The blood of the martyrs commands you. The continence of the confessors commands you. The devout prayers of all holy men and women command you. The saving mysteries of our Christian faith command you.

Depart, then, transgressor. Depart, seducer, full of lies and cunning, foe of virtue, persecutor of the innocent. Give place, abominable creature, give way, you monster, give way to Christ, in whom you found none of your works. For He has already stripped you of your powers and laid waste your kingdom, bound you prisoner and plundered your weapons. He has cast you forth into the outer darkness, where everlasting ruin awaits you and your abettors. To what purpose do you insolently resist? For you are guilty before almighty God, whose laws you have transgressed. You are guilty before His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, whom you presumed to tempt, whom you dared to nail to the cross. You are guilty before the whole human race, to whom you prof erred by your enticements the poisoned cup of death.

Therefore, I adjure you, profligate dragon, in the name of the spotless Lamb, who has trodden down the asp and the basilisk, and overcome the lion and the dragon, to depart from this person to depart from the Church of God. Tremble and flee, as we call on the name of the Lord, before whom the denizens of hell cower, to whom the heavenly Virtues and Powers and Dominations are subject, whom the Cherubim and Seraphim praise with unending cries as they sing: Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Sabaoth. The Word made flesh commands you; the Virgin's Son  commands you; Jesus of Nazareth commands you, who once, when you despised His disciples, forced you to flee in shameful defeat from a man; and when He had cast you out you did not even dare, except by His leave, to enter into a herd of swine. And now as I adjure you in His name, begone from this person, who is His creature. It is futile to resist His will. It is hard for you to kick against the goad. The longer you delay, the heavier your punishment shall be; for it is not men you are condemning, but rather Him who rules the living and the dead, who is coming to judge both the living and the dead and the world by fire.

Amen.
Lord, heed my prayer.

- Monsignor Guido.

END

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That sure was scary, eh.